Ungrateful
Part 3 of the Bandaid Encouragements Series.
Our goal in this series is to critically think through these verses and cliches to determine whether they are accurate reflections of real life, and to shift our perspective in how we interpret them.
In Part 1 we talked about how resiliency produces the strength we need to endure hardships. In Part 2 and 3 we’re talking about two major components that create resiliency. The first component was wisdom, now the second component is discipline.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
Oh boy, here we go again! Another bandaid encouragement that feels more judgmental than helpful when said to us in hardship. Another seemingly impossible standard being held so that someone can determine how good, or bad, of a Christian we are.
We often think, or have been taught, that this verse in 1 Thessalonians means we should give thanks for everything, even the bad stuff. We aren’t given a clear subject in the verse-the who or what we’re supposed to give our thanks to-so we tend to misread it. We think that “give thanks in all circumstances” means “give thanks for all circumstances”.
The Bible-our authority and guide-says to give thanks, so we feel a conviction to give a little shout of praise each time a hardship comes our way.
“Do I consider trials joyful? Am I grateful for painful circumstances? No? Well I better get my attitude right then! What kind of a Christian am I really if I don’t always have a smile plastered on my face?”
We believe this to be the appropriate mindset of a mature, wise Christian; so we must do likewise.
Okay can I just go ahead and say that this is an absurd idea?! ⤴️
Do we honestly believe that God’s will for our life is to be grateful for sickness, injustice, betrayal, abuse, oppression, manipulation, death, sin, and evil of all kinds?
No way! Not the God I know. Not the God who sent His Son to this earth to SAVE US from all of these things. Not the God who promises that one day there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.
The God whose plan is to get rid of evil cannot also be a God who asks us to be grateful to evil.
You better believe there are some things in my life that I’m ungrateful for. I’m not grateful for the times I’ve been betrayed, the times I’ve felt fear, the times I’ve wept for hours in pain, the times I’ve been overwhelmed with the troubles of the world, the times I’ve felt the burden of loved ones who were suffering. I’m ungrateful for all of it.
And here’s your opportunity to admit the same. It’s okay to be ungrateful for the pain and evil of this world. Because God did not intend for the world to be this way and He certainly does not expect that you give thanks to the evils that harm you.
See, this verse does not imply that we give thanks FOR bad things, or TO bad things. But rather, that IN everything-in every good or bad circumstance, in every moment of pain or joy-we give thanks to God.
If we were to add in the missing subject to this verse, it could read “give thanks [to God] in all circumstances”. God does not ultimately ask us to be grateful to sin, He asks us to be grateful to Him.
Giving thanks in everything is, of course, no easy task still.
Gratitude, just like joy, is not something that is stirred up in our hearts when we face adversity. This is true for every human out there.
In order to be grateful in adversity, choosing gratitude must become a discipline in our lives. Not the kind of discipline that punishes you for mistakes, but the kind that you place on yourself as a means of conditioning or training oneself.
In July, the Paris Summer Olympics will take place. I always enjoy watching them. There’s something beautiful, and amazing, and inspiring about these athletes who compete. Many of them train 10+ hours a day for years between each Olympics to be able to compete at peak performance. The discipline these athletes have is unmatched among many others.
But these athletes didn’t just wake up one day, go to the Olympics, and set a world record. They’ve disciplined themselves and brought trainers into their lives to help them condition their bodies to be able to perform at Olympic levels. Sure, some people are what we call naturally athletic and they make their events look easy, but nobody is a natural Olympian and they still have to put in hard work.
There are days I’m sure that they don’t feel strong or motivated. But they are committed to a goal and they keep themselves surrounded by people who are committed to helping them reach that goal.
This is how we have to live with the discipline of choosing gratitude each and every day. Just because we follow Jesus doesn’t mean our mind naturally resorts to gratitude in moments of pain, or even each day when we wake up. We must train, or condition, ourselves to choose gratitude. The longer we train our mind to choose gratitude the more accustomed to it we become.
Two of the most effective disciplines we can use to help us choose gratitude are reflection and hindsight. In some ways these overlap, and in some ways they are a bit different.
Reflection forces us to recognize all the things we had, currently have, or may have one day that we can be grateful for. Yes, we may be tight on money in this season of life, and that’s hard; but we can be grateful that we have our health and our loved one’s still. This affliction in our life may be painful and depressing, and that’s certainly not easy to live through; but we can also be grateful for the hope of a brighter future.
Reflection can be on the past, present, or future; while hindsight is narrowed in on the past.
With hindsight, it’s often easy to find something to be grateful for when we can look back on the situation and see all the good that came after it. These are the times we say, without hesitation, “Oh yeah I’m grateful that happened. I wouldn’t go back and change a thing because I wouldn’t be where I am, or who I am, today if not for that circumstance.”
The writers of the Psalms use this practice of reflection and hindsight all throughout their writings.
In the 150 chapters of the book of Psalms, the term “steadfast love” is used 126 times in reference to God’s character! Used even more are the terms: refuge, shield, rock, deliverer, or stronghold.
The writers of the Psalms do this because they are choosing to reflect, and see through hindsight, the faithful, enduring, steadfast love of God that has never failed them. A love that has sustained them in the best of times and in the worst of times. They are intentional in giving thanks to God for the numerous times that He has been their refuge, their shield, their rock, their deliverer, their stronghold when they had no strength left of their own.
What the Psalmists choose to remember about God over and over again is His steadfast love, His presence, His provision, and His redemption. The repetition of this leads to a gratitude that can’t easily be diminished.
To “give thanks in all circumstances” is to remember and reflect on all that God has done for us, and to be grateful to Him as a result. And the more we reflect on the more grateful we become.
- We don’t give thanks to pain, we give thanks to our God who comforted us in our pain.
- We don’t give thanks to sickness, we give thanks to our God who has healed us from sickness and can use it as a testimony.
- We don’t give thanks to the trial, we give thanks to our God who sustained us and gave us the strength to endure the trial.
So for me, as I said earlier, I’m not grateful for the bad things I’ve been through. What I’m grateful for is my God who has redeemed me through all the bad things. I’m not grateful for pain and hurt. I’m grateful to my God who got me through all of those; my God who turned my pain into good.
In disciplining ourselves to choose gratitude we develop a better resiliency to the trials in life.
-Stephanie Lauren Auman
