Under the Influence - Part 2
In Part 1 we discussed how survival mode (fight-or-flight response) shuts down the logical part of our brain while the emotional part of our brain hijacks our thoughts and actions.
Under the threat of survival this is a very good and necessary response.
Sometimes though, our brain puts itself into survival mode unnecessarily. We perceive rejection, humiliation, failure, and heartbreak no different than a threat on our life. This then hijacks our brain in the same way and spurs us to act in a heightened state of emotion. We say things we don’t mean because we’re caught up in the heat of the moment, or we make rash decisions that aren’t good for us in the long run because our emotions influenced us to do so.
Emotions are not a negative thing to have but they are not meant to control us, nor are we designed to live in survival mode.
Good and wise decisions in life can only be made when our body is at equilibrium, where our controlled emotions and our logic can work alongside each other.
Here in Part 2 let’s look at some practical steps to help us find freedom from emotional survival mode and get back to equilibrium so that we can make good and wise decisions. Decisions that will help us, and those around us, thrive.
Good and wise decision making utilizes the reasoning and processing of our emotions before we take action. And yet, trying to reason or process our emotions in survival mode is near impossible, thanks to that “amygdala hijacking” function of the brain (referenced in the last blog).
In this state of mind, every thought or action is done through the lens of survival, not through any sort of logic.
So how can we, then, move out of survival mode, out of a heightened emotional state of being, and back to a place where logic and reasoning are reintroduced into our brain?
Implement the following 4 actions:
1. Learn to recognize when you’re in an emotionally compromised state
While emotions do hijack the reasoning part of the brain in certain situations it doesn’t mean we are oblivious to it happening.
In other words: we’re not completely helpless to our emotions in these moments. Whew!
Survival mode presents physical symptoms that aren’t hard to spot. Our heart beats faster, our skin can become pale and/or sweaty, we can feel nausea or indigestion, increased breathing or shortness of breath can be present, and muscle tension is common.
Mental and emotional symptoms of survival mode are a little harder to distinguish, but still not impossible. Irritability, feeling overwhelmed or on edge, racing thoughts, an inability to feel relaxed or safe, difficulty concentrating on things, and feelings of impending doom.
If you notice that you’re feeling these symptoms on a heightened level, it’s possible that your body is in survival mode.
The one thing our brain absolutely needs in order to get out of survival mode is: removal of the perceived threat. So it’s important, when we feel the aforementioned symptoms, to ask ourselves:
“Is my physical health and safety in danger right now?”
If the answer to that question is “no”, then our body does not need to be in survival mode. And now that we recognize there is no actual threat we can start to move out of survival.
2. Learn ways to calm your nervous system
When a perceived threat is removed, we need to next focus on calming our nervous system before our body can fully return to equilibrium.
Some methods or techniques work better for different people, but here are a few of the most common ones:
• Deep breathing (inhale slowly through the nose, exhale slowing through the mouth)
• Grounding techniques (focus on sensory experiences; look at and study a piece of art you find beautiful, intentionally touch and feel different objects, take in the smells and sounds around you; your goal is to ground yourself to the reality of the present moment)
• Physical activity (whether light or intense, physical activity promotes the release of feel good chemicals in our body and stretching/yoga releases the tension in our muscles)
*Here’s also a good resource from a mental health professional: linked article
As you work through these techniques you’ll begin to notice that the previously felt symptoms of survival mode start to reverse. Your heart rate goes back to normal, you feel a sense of safety and calm, etc.
Pay attention to which methods help the most and write them down. The next time you feel yourself in survival mode you now have a helpful plan of action.
3. Build emotional intelligence and work on emotional healing
Did you know that emotions only last 90 seconds in the brain? What?? I know, it sounds preposterous. But Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor has found this to be true.
Dr. Taylor says, “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.” (reference article)
If an emotion lasts longer than 90 seconds, it’s because we have re-triggered it by dwelling on it. This is exactly why we’re often encouraged to pause and take deep breaths before responding in an emotional state of mind. It allows our emotions to reset, so long as we allow them to pass and don’t continue to dwell on them.
The more we learn how the brain and our emotions work, the more we build our emotional intelligence. As we build our emotional intelligence we can start to live in ways that help us avoid unnecessary survival mode and keep us at balance more often. And, even in future unavoidable moments of trauma or heightened emotion, we are better equipped to heal and move forward.
A major component of emotional intelligence, which can help lead us to emotional healing, is learning what triggers us and what past experiences have influenced our emotional responses.
Knowing our triggers gives us a better understanding of ourselves and our reactions. Processing and working through past experiences gives meaning and validity to our emotional responses.
But simply knowing ourselves better and having emotional intelligence is not enough, we must use this knowledge to move towards healthier actions and emotional healing.
Through therapy and through our faith, we can work through our life experiences to find emotional healing.
4. Accept grace and be willing to grow
Something we must remember always is to accept grace for ourselves. Despite our emotional intelligence or healing or techniques for nervous system calming, there are still times that our emotions get the best of us.
We don’t always catch ourselves or act in a healthy manner when our emotions are heightened. But thank God for grace! Thank God for forgiveness, repentance, mercy, and redemption.
God does not expect that we will perfectly respond to situations or perfectly control our emotions. He gracefully gives us opportunities to make corrections after our mistakes, ask for forgiveness from others, change our behaviors, and move forward.
Always be willing to accept that grace and to keep growing as a person.
Keep working to understand yourself so that you can recognize your emotional reactions, keep building your emotional intelligence and working on emotional healing, and keep receiving grace while you learn and grow through all of life’s experiences.
-Stephanie Lauren Jordan
