Under the Influence - Part 1
Common sense, experience, and the law tells us that anyone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol should not do, or be allowed to do, certain things. Things like: operating vehicles or machinery, handling sharp objects, handling money, working, or making big decisions.
These laws, or boundaries, are important in protecting others from those who would make irrational decisions while under the influence; and, equally important, it protects those people from themselves.
We know that drugs and alcohol inhibit the proper functioning of the mind-the logic and reasoning-and people make poor decisions as a result. But why is it that we don’t carry the same standards when it comes to our emotional state of being?
We approach many of life’s circumstances and decisions in an emotionally-compromised state.
We enter conversations, we start relationships, we go to work, we vote, we drive, we handle money, and we make big decisions all while under the influence of anger, fear, disappointment, jealousy, or temporary happiness.
What we must realize is just how dangerous it can be to ourselves and to others when we take action and make decisions under the influence of our emotions.
In 1995, Psychologist Daniel Goleman coined the term amygdala highjack in his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ”. The term refers to when the emotion part of our brain (the amygdala) overrides the logic and reasoning part of our brain (the frontal lobes).
(Above information from Healthline article)This happens when we perceive a severe threat to our lives and our body goes into fight-or-flight mode. As a necessary part of survival instinct, the amygdala actually shuts down the frontal lobes to stop us from thinking logically in the situation.
Think about the following scenario:
You’re walking down the street and, not too far ahead, you see someone moving quickly towards you with an angry look on their face and a knife in their hand. You could stay where you are and try to think through the situation:
“Are they coming for me? Why do they look so angry? Maybe they’ve just had a bad day. I should cut them some slack. Well, they are also holding a knife though. That’s concerning. Maybe there’s someone behind me in trouble and they’re going to help? *Turns around to look and sees no one there. Okay so maybe they really are coming at me. But why? I didn’t do anything to this person.”
And, before you know it, you’ve wasted all your escape time trying to reason as to why this person might be a threat to you!
This is why the survival instinct kicks in from the first moment of the perceived threat. It shuts down the logical brain and says, “we need to get out of here!” In reality, we would either start running or preparing ourselves to face the threat.
This is a good and normal response! A necessary moment of emotional hijacking for the sake of survival.
At the end of the fight-or-flight response, after the threat is removed, our body returns back to equilibrium. This is important because our lives are not meant to be constantly lived in heightened emotions or in survival mode; unfortunately though, it’s the reality for a lot of us today.
We perceive many of our situations as life-threatening. Heartbreak, humiliation, judgement, rejection, all feel as severe to us as the threat of physical death. Naturally, our emotions respond as such.
Fear, anger, disappointment, or jealousy hijacks the brain for survival mode and now we have a problem.
When heartbreak sends us into survival mode we are now under the influence of those emotions. This can send us into a fit of rage and revenge or send us crawling into a hole never to open our hearts again. Neither of them good decisions.
When humiliation or judgement or rejection is registered as a threat to us we are now unable to process or critically think.
As we live in this survival mode we think and act only on protecting ourselves at all costs. There is no room for vulnerability, love, compassion, or sacrifice. Our own lives and our relationships suffer because every decision we make is emotionally compromised.
We enter relationships, not because we actually love the other person, but because our fear of being alone has taken over. We verbally attack and demean others in conversations, not because the other person did anything wrong, but because our anger has hijacked our mind.
The decisions we make under emotional duress are rarely decisions that are good or safe for ourselves and others.
While emotions are great motivators, they are not concerned with long term health and wholeness.
“So, what? Was all that to say that we’re supposed to live our lives ignoring all emotions?”
No, of course not. Emotions are important. Emotions are a gift from God and they bring color to life. But emotions should not control us or steer us away from logic and reason.
Good and wise decisions are made, not when we are under the influence of our emotions, but when our controlled emotions and our logic can work alongside each other.
In Part 2 we’ll cover practical steps to help us find freedom from emotional survival mode.
-Stephanie Lauren Jordan
