Pain Transforms Us
When we look back at our lives we can very clearly recognize that we’re not the same person we were as a child. As we age we mature, acquire knowledge, apply wisdom, develop character, and so on. There’s a natural, healthy process of growth and change in all of us. Unfortunately, there’s also unhealthy factors that have had a say in who we’ve become.
Pain and trauma rewire our brains and transform the way we live.
Many of us live with behavioral patterns and cognitive distortions that have formed as a result of childhood trauma. We carry these patterns and distortions with us into adulthood and, if left unaddressed, likely for the entirety of our lives.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say little Billy gets picked on at home by his family. Anytime he opens his mouth to ask a question, share a fun fact, or voice an opinion he gets met with scoffs, eye rolls, corrections, or he’s ignored altogether. In other words: he’s rejected.
Billy begins to believe that he’s unintelligent and invaluable. His trauma forms the distortion that every person in his life will reject him whenever he speaks. As a result, he creates unhealthy patterns of communication that he carries into adulthood. He doesn’t share his opinion in social settings, he doesn’t ask for explanation when he doesn’t understand a task at work, and his intimate relationships only ever make it so far because he refuses to be open and vulnerable. All of these patterns are based on a past rejection and a fear of future rejection.
Of course, not all of our pain or trauma happens only in childhood, nor is childhood the only timeframe where behaviors and distortions form. Any painful experience in any season of life can transform the way we see ourselves, the way we understand others, and the way we live. A manipulative or verbally abusive boss can destroy our self-worth and self-confidence. A betrayal in one friendship can alter our trust and our vulnerability in all friendships.
Do you see the problem? Pain can transform us on such a deep level that it forces limitations on our ability to live a full life.
Here’s the question we need to ponder:
If something negative can drastically change our perceptions and actions, then can’t something positive do the same?
Don’t think too hard, I’ve already got the answer for you. Yes! Something positive can absolutely change our perceptions, our actions and, ultimately, who we are. Enter: Hope.
Hope does 3 incredible things for us.
It helps our mind.
It inspires action.
It reassures us.
Hope Helps Our Mind
When we think positive thoughts our brains release feel-good chemicals like serotonin, while reducing chemicals like cortisol (stress). To allow our minds to dwell on a good outcome in a situation physically makes us feel better. How amazing is that?!
I’m sure we’ve all experienced the opposite before. We dwell on a negative thought, or memory, and our heart starts racing, our stomach begins to hurt, we feel miserable on all accounts. There’s no doubt we all know this power of negative thinking-the power of pain. But what if we confidently knew the power of positive thinking-the power of hope? We could go about our days with less anxiety and more joy.
Hope Inspires Action
When we believe in the possibility of better circumstances we will also be inspired to take actionable steps towards the outcome we hope for. Being able to heal and grow from pain has to start with the belief that there is a way to heal and grow, and that it works! As we grasp the hope that this is true, we take steps to make it a reality. We seek out counseling, we put in the hard work to learn our cognitive distortions and behavioral patterns, we do what we can to repair relationships, and so on. We don’t wait on the things we can’t control, we take action in the things we can control.
Hope Reassures Us
Inevitably, there are moments where we don’t feel capable of thinking positively or putting forth effort to work on healing. This is where hope’s power shines the brightest. It reminds us that, even when we don’t see a way forward, even when we have nothing left to give, things can still turn out okay. Clinging to hope means resting in the belief that good can still happen. We’re still here, right? We’ve made it through other tough circumstances. Hope hasn’t let us down yet. Hope is not just positive thinking or hard work. Hope is the lighthouse for our soul when we are lost at sea.
Pain negatively shapes our thoughts and behaviors. Hope positively shapes our thoughts and behaviors. Pain says you can’t trust anyone again. Hope says there are still trustworthy people in this world. Pain says a bad situation won’t change. Hope says a bad situation won’t stay the same.
Yes, pain transforms us; but so does hope.
-Stephanie Lauren Auman
