Choose Your Difficult

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I really should start going to therapy, but it’s going to be too difficult to share my emotions and talk about the things I’d rather forget about”?

I’ve been there (I’m still there).

Or what about, “I need to start eating better and exercising. But man, that’s going to take more of my time and more of my money. It’s just too hard to be healthy.”

Me too, sister. Me too..

Or possibly, “I know some relationships in my life need mending and I want to repair them, but it feels like too big a task and too tough to accomplish.”

Saaame 🙋🏼‍♀️

So what ends up happening in these situations? Well, nothing. The healthier choices, the things we know we should do, seem too difficult and it’s easier to not do them-to carry on with the way things are.

The idea that “it’s easier to carry on as things are” is true in a sense. It’s also untrue in another sense.

Let’s take the diet and exercise example from above (because, honestly, it’s the only one of the three that I’m adequately sticking to these days and can speak to).

Making the choice-and sticking to it-to eat healthier and exercise is difficult. Don’t think that you’re lazy or wimpy because you struggle to keep up with a healthier lifestyle. It’s difficult for everyone.

It takes more time out of our schedule to learn what food is healthy, find recipes, grocery shop, and then cook the food. It’s always easier to run through a drive-thru or order delivery when we’re short on time. It costs more to eat healthier. Anything labeled “hormone free”, “organic”, “free range”, “low calorie”, etc usually has a higher price tag than its alternatives.

It also takes more time out of our schedule to learn and build an exercise routine, then to actually do the workout. It takes our energy and our focus. It costs to buy at-home equipment, a gym membership, and/or a personal trainer.

And THEN (now here’s the real kicker), we have to make this choice EVERY DAY for the rest of our lives if we want to stay healthy. It’s not a one-and-done choice. Needless to say, it’s difficult!!

Of course it’s easier to eat unhealthy and never exercise. It doesn’t take any effort or sacrifice on our end-it’s the path of least resistance. That’s not a judgement, it’s just the reality for most of us today. With fast food, delivery services, and endless entertainment options keeping us glued to devices, we’ve fallen into unhealthy habits of living. We’ve grown comfortable, and to think of the work it would take to change for the better simply isn’t enough to inspire us or convince us.

So let’s flip the scenario on its head. We know all the reasons why eating better and exercising is more difficult than staying unhealthy. But do we ever think of all the ways that staying unhealthy is more difficult than eating better and exercising?

Eating unhealthy food makes us more lethargic, it saps our energy, it gives us stomach aches and reflux. It leads to weight gain which puts more stress on our vital organs which leads to chronic, life threatening illnesses. It even puts stress on our mental health. (Yes, there’s a nerve-the vagus nerve-that runs from our gut all the way to our brain. What we eat and what we think about ourselves have an effect on each other.) We start to feel disgusted and repulsed by our body, we feel shameful and hopeless about our health.

On top of all of this, when we fail to get proper exercise we encounter more problems. We get injured easily, we have chronic pain that nags at us 24/7, we don’t sleep well which can lead to stress and irritability that we take out on those around us. And in the last decades of our lives our bones are brittle, our muscles have vanished, we have mobility issues, we are in and out of the hospital, we are dependent on an ongoing list of medications, and some parts of life are otherwise unenjoyable.

*(Be mindful, I’m talking here about those who make unhealthy choices and see the effects of that. This is not applicable to those who were born with conditions or whose conditions were acquired from circumstances beyond their control like genetics, infections, etc. There were no unhealthy choices they made to get in that position.)

See, living unhealthy presents its own list of difficulties on our lives. It may be more comfortable to stay unhealthy, it may be easier in some regards, but it is not good or beneficial for us.

The thing we have to decide for ourselves is: which difficult do we want to choose? Which path is worth it to us? What level of hard work are we more willing to commit to for the rest of our lives?

Eating better and exercising is difficult and costly.

Living with chronic pain and developing illnesses is difficult and costly.

Being vulnerable in therapy and working through trauma is difficult.

Living with constant triggers and painful memories is difficult.

Conflict resolution and repairing relationships is difficult.

Being alone is difficult.

Only in the last few years have I grown to learn myself that, despite the difficulties, the healthier path is always the one that’s worth it to me. This has proven to be true in many areas of my life (and if that ever changes I’ll be sure to come back and update this post 😉).

Working through the difficulties of conflict in a variety of relationships has always been better than choosing to run from that conflict. Those relationships are now stronger and more fulfilled than before. Doing the uncomfortable work of reflecting on painful memories and traumatic experiences has given me the space needed to heal from that pain. Trying to ignore or suppress those experiences would have caused me to live with that pain for the rest of my life.

Though the healthiest paths in life are often preceded by a difficult choice, I promise they are so worth it.

Now you get to go and make the choice for yourself. Choose your difficult.

-Stephanie Lauren Auman