Bandaid Encouragements
The term “bandaid encouragements” may be unfamiliar (I only say that because I’m pretty sure I just made it up), but I have no doubt you know exactly what I’m referring to when I say it.
A bandaid encouragement is those quotes, or verses, or cliches that people love to slap on our suffering in an attempt to make us feel better.
You could be losing a custody battle over your children and a fellow church member reminds you that 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says we should be thankful in all circumstances because that is God’s will for us. And you think, “Sure, next time I’m in a cruel and unjust circumstance I’ll be sure to be thankful that evil won.”
You could be facing a death sentence health diagnosis and a family member says to you “Well, you know that James 1:2 says we should count it all joy when we face various trials.” You want to respond with, “Gee, thanks. I didn’t realize that I should have smiled instead of cried when the doctors delivered the news..”
Or one that has really gotten under my skin in recent years: “God won’t give you more than you can handle”. (Which I already addressed in a recent post you can read here.)
These verses and phrases are whipped out and applied to our circumstances without much thought. I don’t want to lead us to a point where we reject Scripture or positive thinking; it’s just that, at the surface level, these encouragements aren’t really helpful. They are like trying to put a bandaid on a wound that has sliced clear through us, or a fracture that has shifted the structure and function of our body.
We don’t need bandaids. We need a deep cleansing of the wound and reinforcement of the bones so that we can properly heal. This takes time, effort, and a whole lot more than a quick cliche.
Over the next few weeks we’ll be going through a series on these bandaid encouragements. We’ll walk through some of the most common phrases and scriptures in an effort to discern their level of truth and encouragement in life’s hardships.
Some of them I agree with, some of them I don’t, and some of them, as you’ll see, just need a renewed perspective.
As we go through this series, I also want to encourage us to be mindful of the way we respond to others when they do throw these bandaid encouragements at us. Yes, it can be aggravating and offensive and overly hurtful. But it’s important to recognize that, when people say these things to us in our suffering, it’s most often not because they are being self-righteous, condescending, hateful or insensitive.
There are definitely some of those people out there, but most people that speak to our suffering are compassionate enough not to ignore it. They’ll do anything, or say anything, in an effort to make us feel better; because they care. They might not choose the best words or say them at the right time (or even in the right tone), but they are trying to offer support and encouragement. Often times they are just at a loss of words, and silence is uncomfortable, so they resort to the verses and cliches they know by memory.
I’ve been both the victim and the offender, at different times, of said scenario. I’ve had to release the offense of those who have said these things in my suffering, and I’ve also had to educate myself to better encourage others in their suffering.
What about you? Is there a person in your life that has thrown similar verses or phrases at you? Is it someone that you know loves you and is/was trying to help you through a hard season of life? Give them a little grace by recognizing that they want to help, but just don’t know how. Then thank them for the love and support.
And I’ll see you back here next week to officially begin this new series!
-Stephanie Lauren Auman
